Eerst voelde het een beetje raar. Tenslotte ben je toch iemand anders zijn rotzooi aan het opruimen. Sommige voorbijgangers dachten dat we een werkstraf gekregen hadden. Ja, misschien wel, gestraft voor iemand anders zijn wangedrag. Die mensen keken overigens raar op wanneer we hen vertelden dat we vrijwilligers waren. Vol ongeloof staarden ze ons aan, en vice versa. Toch geeft heel dat zwerfvuil opruimen een stevige dosis voldoening. De voor- en na- foto's zijn soms adembenemend en elke volle zak is toch weer een prestatie. Daarnaast is elke volle zak ook een stevige trap in de kloten van de vervuilers, althans, zo voelt het aan. Het beloningsmechanisme in onze hersenen draait op volle toeren, zoveel is zeker.

Door dat vrijwilligerswerk ben ik alerter geworden op zwerfvuil. Het is één van de dingen die me het snelst opvalt. Tijdens wandelingen in parken, wanneer ik wacht op de tram, wanneer ik een festival binnenkom... altijd springt die vuiligheid in mijn oog. Zoals steeds meer mensen kan ik er ook steeds minder vaak tegen. Soms wordt het zelfs een storende factor. Daarbij begint het tegenwoordig echt wel de spuigaten uit te lopen. Flessen, blikjes, luchtmatrassen, vakantieliefjes, tenten, stoelen, tafels... alles wordt tegenwoordig zomaar achtergelaten. Vooral op grote evenementen kan je perfect gave kampeerspullen tegenkomen, genoeg om duizenden vluchtelingen op te vangen.

Als ik dit fenomeen vanuit een maatschappelijk en economisch standpunt bekijk, verbaast het me eigenlijk niet eens meer. Alles lijkt een beetje uit de hand te lopen. Een gemiddeld festival, ticket plus eten plus drinken, kost tegenwoordig meer dan een week in Dubai. Het is amper nog te betalen door de aardbeienplukkende jobstudent. Ten tweede worden er op Werchter, Tomorrowland, Cactus Festival en Pukkelpop meer selfies genomen dan noten muziek gespeeld. Grote festivals zijn een beetje een elite-event geworden, iets waar het meer draait om Instagram- volgers dan om bands, maar goed, dat moeten zij weten. Feit is wel dat die elite voornamelijk bestaat uit jonge snaken die met jonge bimbo's in geleasede Audi's rondtoeren. Daags voor het festival rijden de meesten nog eventjes langs de AS Adventure om wat duurzame wegwerptroep te kopen. Zo gaat dat tegenwoordig.

Na het festival zijn ze moe, uitgeput, leeg en op. En dat is ook volkomen logisch. Die mensen zijn het niet gewend om te moeten stappen. Hun leven speelt zich af op hun zitvlak of in dat van die jonge bimbo. Een gemiddeld festival vergt toch al zo'n 10 kilometer per dag, vraag maar aan mijn stappenteller. Dat is vermoeiend, zeker als er dan ook nog eens minder dan 12 uur slaap per dag bijkomt, alsook de afkick van de coke en speed en bollen of dacht u dat de flikken dat allemaal netjes in de hand hadden? Dus die jongetjes en meisjes zijn te moe om hun tent op te ruimen, dat is volkomen begrijpelijk. Daarnaast betalen ze al genoeg dus kan de organisatie toch ook wel zorgen voor de properheid van het geheel, wat is me dat nu?

Maar goed, dat zijn de verwende nestjes op de grote festivals. Op kleine evenementen is het toch een heel stuk beter, niet? Wel, soms. Aan de ene kant vind ik die kleine, recycleerbare flesjes van Coca Cola, Fanta en Nestea beter dan die fantasieloze plastic pinten maar anderzijds heb ik gisteren een nogal fors gebouwde dame over zo'n flesje zien uitglijden. Gelukkig was haar nog forser gebouwde partner paraat om erger te voorkomen. Toch toont het de onverschilligheid die er dezer dagen over het hele festivalgebeuren hangt en dat is doodzonde. Te meer omdat het anders kan. Ik en duizend andere mensen hebben dat mogen meemaken in Zottegem, waar Dunk! festival het properste evenement aller tijden is geworden.

Wat Dunk! anders doet? Ze gebruiken herbruikbare bekers. Ze zetten voldoende vuilnisbakken neer, ook op de camping. Die vuilnisbakken worden regelmatig leeggemaakt en vervangen. Dunk! is kleinschalig genoeg om eten in échte borden en met écht bestek te serveren. Maar het grootste geheim schuilt in de mentaliteit van het publiek. Afval wordt wel degelijk opgeruimd. Weinig of niets komt op de grond terecht en de prachtige groene omgeving van het festival wordt met veel respect behandeld. Een absoluut voorbeeld. Daarbij, dat publiek krijgt nog eens een onvergetelijke festivalervaring in de plaats. 

Die mentaliteit heeft te maken met spiegelneuronen, het zogenaamde "monkey-see-monkey-do" principe. Als jij je campingstekje als een afvalberg achterlaat, is de kans groot dat die naast jou dat ook gaat doen. Festivals waar vrijwilligers na elk optreden eventjes met de keerborstel door de tent gaan, zijn beduidend properder dan evenementen waar dat niet gebeurt. Er spoelen potvissen aan met stukken tentzeil in hun maag. Het mag wel eens stoppen nu. 


​Serge

I'm not sure about the rest of the world, but here in Belgium Tournée Minérale kicked off yesterday. Tournée Minérale is one of those awareness-months initiatives, such as 30 Days Without Meat, Music For Life and many more. It's organised by the foundation against cancer and challenges people to not drink alcohol for a whole month.

Many people join in on the fun so I thought that this would be an excellent opportunity to abuse the system and promote ourselves with another selection of applicable tunes. After all, that is what we do best. So go grab a glass of water, snort some cocaine or eat a handful of mushrooms, as long as you do not drink alcohol this month. Or better, get yourself a nice cup of coffee and chew some celery. 

I'm kidding, do whatever you want but always ensure safety for you and those around you. I just wanted to make a list with Tool's 'Sober' in it, that's all. 

There we go. Admit it, this is a brilliant piece of music by a tremendously talented band. This was the first song that came to mind when I heard about Tournée Minérale. The stop-motion animation still gives me the chills. 

Originally recorded in 1999 and re-recorded to close his latest album 'Alcohology', 'Erosion' handles "The thoughtful statements of the gain and dangers of the consumption of alcohol (),  the impact fluids have, not only on the human body but also on Mother Earth itself." 

Today, he's probably best known for his long-living stint as Clement Peerens Explosition but Hugo Matthysen has been playing sweet and funny rock tunes since the late seventies. On 'Alcohol' he gives a few examples about people's behaviour while drunk.

If there is any good reason not to get too drunk, it's this one. I mean, imagine: somehow after a wild party you end up in bed with a beautiful young blonde, willing to satisfy your every need. You get naked and you look down. There you see that your little friend is not cooperating. Your willie is already passed out cold. Not a fun evening if you ask me.

This song appeared on Lamb Of God's album 'As The Palaces Burn'. It is about the struggle of vocalist Randy Blythe with alcohol addiction. ​"Sweetly she draws me into her arms, a liquid embrace to chase the day away. Sedate numb deaf and dumb, stumbling into solitude".

During Underworld gigs, many fans would raise their beer while Karl Hyde sang the words 'Lager Lager Lager Lager'. Actually, this horrified him because this song is a cry for help. He wrote it after a night of heavy drinking in a Soho club during his battle with alcoholism.

Dream Theater drummer Mike Portnoy wrote his "Twelve-step Suite", a set of songs which represent the Twelve Step program used by Alcoholics Anonymous. The songs were spread across five albums and dedicated to Bill Wilson, the founder of AA.

One day while recording 'Born Again', then Black Sabbath vocalist Ian Gillan got wasted and decided to race a few laps on a nearby race track. Their management had bought them these cars to have a little fun in between recording sessions but Gillan's took the wrong one (Bill Ward's) and eventually flipped it over, totally thrashing the vehicle. 

Many people might see Blink 182 as a fun punk rock band but they do have some messages to spread. This song for example is about finally giving up on a friend with a severe alcohol problem. 

Metal has always been associated with alcohol abuse with many songs about the substance. This one by proto-doomers Saint Vitus describes the vicious cycle of heavy drinking, feeling horrible and getting drunk to ease the pain.

I wonder if that friend Blink 182 was talking about also strongly denied his alcohol addiction. Amy Winehouse died of alcohol poisoning in 2011. 'Rehab' is possible her greatest hit, dealing with denial. Apparently, she went into rehab for 15 minutes just to be able to tell her label that she went to rehab. Perhaps Amy Winehouse is today's perfect example about how not to deal with addiction.

Blues legend Muddy Waters was no stranger to the bottle. Then again, blues is usually rather whiskey soaked. "Whiskey you ain't no good I declare I'm thru with you. Whiskey you ain't no good I declare I'm thru with you. You have taken all my money. You have taken my baby too".

Dave Gahan has been battling alcoholism for years. This song deals with the idea one of "just one glass" before everything goes wrong again. 

In this skit from 1977, Waits imitates a drunkard, spouting nonsense phrases. ​The song was performed on the short-lived US television show, Fernwood 2 Night in 1977.

And we finish this list with a Nederhop tune by legendary rappers Osdorp Posse. This song handles the ups and down of alcohol consumption and addiction.

There you go, fifteen songs that should help you through this Tournée Minérale month. On March first, we might publish a list of drinking songs to help you celebrate a month of not-drinking but maybe by then I'd find that a little hypocritical. Anyway, whatever you do, take good care of yourself and remember to enjoy in moderation...


​Serge

The year 2017 is coming to an end. Magazines everywhere are coming up with the inevitable end-year lists and I somehow feel obliged to do something similar. I also asked the other Merchants Of Air members to send in a list or an article if they want to. That's the beauty of  working for Merchants Of Air: you don't have to. 
Personally, I'm not very fond of end-year lists. For starters, I don't even know all the albums that have been released in 2017. There are still hundreds, if not thousands, waiting to be reviewed. Many of them will not make it, unfortunately. We're severely understaffed you know.

Second, I think in 2017 my focus shifted from many different music reviews to one bmassive music review, because, quite frankly, that is what "Cecilia's World" really is. I spent the majority of the year writing it and then it had to be prepared for release, which was a frustrating and lengthy task. But when I could finally lay my hands of a copy of my own debut novel, I was proud and pleased. Writing a book has always been one of the major goals in my life and I wrote a good one. I did. Just ask the people who have read it. Just read the reactions. In fact, last night my most judgicial friend said "Cecilia's World is a damn good debut". This really meant a lot to me because this guy is brutally honest. So yes, 'Cecilia's World' is my biggest accolade this year.

So I have been browsing Merchants Of Air to refresh my musical memory. It actually gave me a headache. "Do I have to choose from all of these?", was my initial thought, followed by "this is impossible". However, if found something interesting. There seems to be a common ground for many of 2017's best albums. Just look at this list.

Bathsheba - Servus
Ashtoreth - Morana
AmenRa - Mass VI
Emptiness - Not For Music
All We Expected - Hatàr
Wiegedood - De Doden Hebben Het Goed II
Ilydaen - Veil
Monnik - Bedevaart
Marginal - Total Destruction
Marco Bailey - Temper

From doom metal to drone ambient and from black metal to post-rock and even techno, Belgium wins 2017. Bathsheba delivered the doom metal album of the year in January. AmenRa conquered the post-metal scene (again) and All We Expected managed to showcase the sound of the great ones. Our drone ambient scene has never been so alive, Ashtoreth and Monnik just being two examples of the brilliance our country possesses. Let's not forget about Dirk Serries and his massive influence on the ambient and jazz scenes 

In the extreme musical regions we find Marginal who delivered one of the best grind/crust albums I have ever heard and Wiegedood continue their path of blackened destruction. Furthermore, as we Belgians are known for our huge history of electronic dance music, Marco Bailey has once again shown the world how techno should sound. Our musicians do a way better job than our politicians, law enforcers and civil servants together. So I'll just go ahead and say that Belgium produced the best albums of 2017. There you have it.

That doesn't mean that the other countries suck, far from it. Our neighbours delivered some neat stuff too. In the Netherlands, Dead Neanderthals threw some awesome albums in our mailbox. They single handedly altered the future of jazz music. MNHM delivered an astonishing album with 'Of Empires Past' and Wrok's 'De Onheilsbode' is just pure evil. But awesome music came from everywhere, literally all over the planet. India turned out to have a huge underground metal scene with plenty of amazing albums coming through.

Oh well, let's just face it. From a musical standpoint 2017 was a fantastic year. Other remarkable albums came from Monophona, Bolt, Dale Cooper Quartet and the Dictaphones, Dictaphone, Samael, Moonspell, ... Just read our reviews....

Ok, my ego wants the first paragraph in this part of my overview. Like all people, I love being right. Like when I was right when I said that Meniscus would be one of the top gigs at Dunk! Festival for example. However, there is one person who definitely made my year as far as me being right about an artist. I have seen him bloom, evolve from a being decent mid-carter to delivering one of the best drone/ambient performances I have ever seen. Me and a handful of people witnessed Stratosphere rise above himself. For years I have known he had it in him and it finally came out. The future looks good for Ronald.

Besides, Thisquietarmy was highly impressive too that same evening. His was another top-10 gig. For once, let's make an actual list.

Stratosphere (Palazzo)
Spirit Valley (Desertfest)
Thisquietarmy (Palazzo)
Bohren Und Der Club Of Gore (Het Bos)
Bonobo (Brussels)
Bathsheba (Rodeofest)
O Yuki Conjugate (Ampère)
Lord Kesseli and the Drums (Antwerp Music City)
The Void Of Expansion (Dunk! Festival)
Meniscus (Dunk! Festival)
Yodok III / Barst / A-Sun Amissa (Consouling Night) | Trix

There, I think those have been the eleven most impressive gigs in 2017. Of course, there is more. I have also seen Drawn Into Descent evolve into a force to be reckoned with. I enjoyed many acts at Dunk!, Rodeo and Desertfest. Antwerp Music City and Het Bos have booked some amazing evenings. As you can see, most of these gigs happened in my hometown of Antwerp. You really don't need to go any further than Antwerp to witness some good concerts. 

That being said, unfortunately the good people behind Rodeofest recently decided to call it quits. One of the nicest festivals in Belgium is no more and I truly regret that. They were an inspiration, literally. So a word of thanks goes out to them. Let's hope someone else gets the brilliant idea of organising a festival in that beautiful fort.

I think for the majority, this website has been steadily flowing in 2017. Our number of visitors increased, even though fewer reviews have been published. We've been busy. 2017 was also the year where we finally decided that we cannot keep up with everything so we (or I) no longer stress over that aspect. However, Glauber joined in on the fun as the latest member of our crew. Like I always say, "the more the merrier". I'm sure that in the near future, he will take a lot of albums off my hands.

The absolute peak in article views of 2017 was the review for Amenra's 'Mass VI', followed by my Dutch column 'Kruishangerige Kuttenkovense Kerkkoe'. The latter certainly was a surprise. The rest of the top-10 is occupied by Brieviews, which is not a surprise since those contain several album reviews. Obviously more of these will come in the future. Over a hundred people watched the live stream of the Amenra release concert on our website. That was pretty cool too. 

Money talk. 2017 was the year in which Merchants Of Air finally became profitable. We've actually sold more t-shirts than ever before and some people have purchased our free compilation. With all expenses deducted, we made a profit of 20 euros, plus 2.61 more waiting on Amazon. Cool hé.

To be honest, there is not one album I'm specifically looking forward to. I know there are some interesting ones coming up but I'll just wait and see. I'll just let the music surprise me again. Same goes for Merchants Of Air. Maybe other writers will join, maybe not. Maybe more reviews will be published, maybe not.

On a personal standpoint, I'll try to continue what I'm doing now. I'll still publish heaps of reviews and articles and I'll try to combine that with a writing career. The first paragraphs of my next novel have been penned down. I can already promise you, it's going to be something very, very different from the sweet and joyous 'Cecilia's World'. 

We'll see.


Serge

It's true. We are spoiled. Living in or near a big city like Antwerp, Berlin, Seattle, Paris or Tokyo, you can go watch a band every day of the week. You can see any genre any time, either in petite basements or in massive arenas. In Summer, there is music everywhere. Festivals see thousands of people while another town engages in a musical pub-crawl. There are podia in parks, with orchestras playing classical music while you can headbang yourself into a coma in a murky bar three streets away. 

Not only the amount of musical activities has increased, so have the technical abilities. Dunk! festival in Zottegem comes up with perfect sound and an incredible light show, not bad for a small (but legendary) festival. Hell, even Dio is performing again, be it as a holographic gimmick. Not long from now you can probably go to a holo-festival with Lemmy, The Ramones, The Doors, Nirvana and Elvis Presley. It will be technically perfect, just soulless.

​So yes, we are spoiled and many of us have started to act that way which leads to frustration and anger for the die-hards. You are always welcome to join the fun. We, the old hands, welcome the newbies, as long as they behave. And with "behave", I'm not even talking about getting wasted on alcohol and drugs. We don't care about that. It's your life, ruin it like you want to. We just care about our concert-experience. So here are a few tips and tricks to make concerts fun for everyone.

Every metalhead knows what a moshpit is. Every hardcore fan has seen people jump off stages and into the crowd. Walls-of-death are rather common these days and the younger generation of musical extremists even invented their own little dance, an aggressive and somewhat retarded looking form of capoeira. These things look rather dangerous but they used to be safe.

Now, more and more venues and festivals forbid crowdsurfing and stagediving. Why? Well, apparently, some people think it is funny to step aside and see the fellow rock fan crash onto the floor. In my younger years, moshpits seized to exist when someone fell down. Now, some people try to stomp other moshers six feet underground. Suddenly people are getting injured during these habits while others seem to be annoyed by the happenings. The latter are mostly the old-hands, former crowdsurfers and moshers who for some reason have become concerned parents.

Whose responsibility is it to make a festival safe for those involved? Governments impose rather strict security regulations. There is always at least one first-aid team present. So organisers to their job. Actually, the first one responsible is you, the audience member, the one getting into the pit. You are responsible for your own safety and that of others. It is the same everywhere, in shopping streets, in church, in school, at work, at a gig. Just don't be a cunt, it can't be that hard. When someone falls, help him up. When someone is bleeding, take him to first-aid. That is not just a tip I'm giving you. You could actually get arrested for not helping people in need.

Another important aspect is hearing safety. Deafness and tinnitus are real and scary things. You do not want to spend your life with a constant bleeping in your brain. Again, that is your responsibility. Most organisers make earplugs available for free. Use them or step away from the speakers. I joke a lot but this I'm serious about!

Concerts are a lot of fun. You can get drunk, you can dance, bang your head, take photos, hang out with your besties and...talk freely about traffic or work. You can also listen to music, but that seems to be a mere accessory these days. 

Imagine, you're a musician. You are doing your very best to provide people with your music. Yet, over the music you can hear people's voices. You can hear them chat about their migraines, their aunt Debbie or a great new way to shave their legs. You try harder but they just talk louder. Why do they do that?

Well, my guess is: those people just don't care about your music. All they care about is showing people that they have been there. They care about facebook likes, instagram masterpieces and twitter hearts. To those people, music is secondary. I have seen and heard them during Massive Attack, during Thisquietarmy and during O Yuki Conjugate. They are everywhere and they just won't shut up. They have to be eradicated because they are what's wrong with today's music industry. They are selfish and disrespectful pricks who only show up because the event is "hip".

And of course you can say something to a friend. You can make a few pictures. It's a free world but just show some respect and shut up during a concert, or at least the bigger part of it. I know it is hard to believe but there are actually people present who know and like the band and who therefore wish to enjoy the performance. They're called "fans". You can even see them buy merchandise. Do I have to explain what merchandise is? 

Back in the nineties and early this century there was always one uncle with a video camera. Uncle Video always filmed weddings and other family get togethers. Afterwards, he showed us the video which obviously looked horrible. The image was shaking the entire time and the sound was just awful. Well, guess what, all your smartphone videos of every gig you ever filmed look exactly like that. Again, I understand photos and the unwritten rule is: only during the first three songs. But filming the event on your smartphone just makes you a prick like the ones in the previous paragraph. Again, apparently you're only there for YouTube views. That, plus you're doing it with someone else's content. Bands could actually sue you for that.

Why are people so angry at phones at a concert? Perhaps because we expect a concert to have a certain amount of quality. That quality is determined by the band, the sound, the light, the atmosphere and the audience. It does indeed suck to have to stare at a bright screen in front of you instead of the actual band performing. ​I guess it's a mixed feeling. I understand the fact that you want to expand your memory of an event by filming it. But be real, you're never going to watch that video. There will always be a better version, filmed by professionals. Same goes for photos. I'll repeat: first three songs. After that the rest of the audience should have the permission to smash your device, deal?

Then of course there are the people who are continuously occupied with their smartphone without even filming the band. They are checking their social media, answering emails, watching photographs of aunt Debbie's ugly baby. Those people should not attend concerts and events but since this is a somewhat free world, they will show up anyway. Let's not worry about those people. They do the exact same thing in traffic so they'll kill themselves one day. It's natural selection.

1. Buy merchandise.

Bandshirts don't only look cool, they also make sure that the artist can eat or at least expand his career as a musician. I have never met an artist who did not appreciate me buying something, on the exact contrary. You should see the amount of free stickers I have gained over the years. Even more important, you should have seen the smiles and happy faces of artists young and old when I exchanged a stupid piece of printed paper for a beautifully printed piece of cloth.

2. Don't turn the venue into a dump

Don't litter. Throw your empty cup in a bin or put it on the bar so that the crew can clean it up. It's not that hard. If there are ashtrays, put your cigarettes in them. If you can't smoke inside, don't. And please do not piss in public.

3. Respect the crew.

Respect the hell out of these people. Most venues and festivals use volunteers. Those people work hard for days on end. They have been there before you woke up and they'll be there after you go home. Say "thank you", they'll appreciate it. Oh, and don't be that asshole who brings his own beer because it's cheaper.

4. Allow everyone to see what's going on

If the one standing behind you is smaller than you are, switch places, at least for a while. Either remain seated or dance in the hallway during concerts in a theatre venue. Backpacks are annoying things in crowded areas. Do not block hallways. These little things make the experience a lot nicer for people involved and thus for you too. 

5. Remember: people are here for the music

People go to church for Jesus, not to find a suitable mate. Concerts are rather similar. So don't annoy people with your sex drive, don't throw beer in people's faces, don't push, shove and brawl. Just watch, listen and enjoy. 

Serge

Borgloon, een bijna pittoresk stukje Belgisch Limburg, dat op zich al behoorlijk pittoresk is, is in de ban van een heus schandaal. De laatste keer dat Limburg in het nationale nieuws kwam, lag Steve Stevaert in het kanaal. En ja, er zijn ook die twee voetbalploegen die af en toe van zich laten horen maar algemeen beschouwd is Limburg door de gemiddelde nieuwssite of krant al even onbekend als voor de gemiddelde NMBS-topman. Voor de rest van Vlaanderen boert Limburg maar lekker voort zonder dat we daar teveel aandacht aan moeten besteden, zolang ze ons maar voorzien van die lekkere Jonagold appeltjes. Er zijn véél Jonagold appeltjes in Borgloon, iets waar niemand een probleem mee lijkt te hebben. Er hangt ook een gekruisigde koe in een kerkje, iets waar sommigen dan weer wél een probleem mee lijken te hebben.

Wat is er precies aan de hand?

Wel, er is een kunstenaar die een gekruisigde koe heeft opgehangen in een kerkje. Het is geen echte koe denk ik, want Gaia is nergens te bespeuren. Rondom de koe is vrolijk met melk rondgestrooid. Het geheel schijnt een aanklacht te zijn tegen onze consumptiemaatschappij, iets wat kunstenaars graag als excuus gebruiken om zichzelf kunstenaar te noemen. Het stadsbestuur vindt het allemaal OK en het bisdom heeft haar handen te vol met kinderklootjes om zich met die stomme koe te gaan moeien. Daarbij, een melkkoe als symbool is een katholieke kerk is eigenlijk nog niet eens zo onrealistisch, of wel? Toch zijn er mensen die er wel een probleem mee hebben, de arme schapen Gods die vinden dat het geheel een belediging is voor hun geloof. In dat opzicht past het geheel perfect in de hedendaagse "ik ben beleeeeeeedigt" rage (ja, dat woord is express foutief geschreven).

Waarom moei ik me ermee?

Voor één keertje voel ik me een volledig onpartijdige toezichter. Ik ben niet gelovig, om maar eens een understatement te gebruiken. Ik luister af en toe wel eens naar "Satanische" muziek, ik stel me ernstige vragen bij de bijbel én ik eet wel eens garnalen. Daarnaast zijn beeldende kunsternaars meestal ook niet mijn vrienden. Ik snap geen hol van beeldende kunst. Hier op de hoek van de straat staat een gigantisch wit en ietwat afgeplat hoofd in het ijle te staren. Het ding lijkt nergens op. Ik had op die plek veel liever een prachtige treurwilg zien staan, om maar een voorbeeld te geven. Dus neen, kunstenaars en Christelijken komen niet echt in mijn vriendenkring voor waardoor ik in deze kwestie niet automatisch een kant kies.

Wat is Kuttekoven?

Kuttekoven is één van de zovele Belgische dorpen en gehuchten met een ietwat ongebruikelijke naam. De naam komt van Cuttinchoven (voor het eerste vermeld in het jaar 1213), wat dan weer komt van boer Cotte, een Frankische boer die daar een hoeve had. Het is een deelgemeente van Borgloon, waar blijkbaar iemand zetelt die een beetje kunst in zijn gemeente wil brengen. Volgens sommige schepenen en burgemeesters is kunst immers goed voor het socio-economische gelaat van een stad. Eén van die kunstwerkjes, tentoongesteld in de Sint-Jan-Baptistkerk, komt van de hand van beeldhouwer Herck en wordt dolenthousiast op luid boegeroep onthaald. Het is blasfemie, eerroof en het past qua kleurenpalet niet bij de glas-in-lood ramen.

Het werkje heet "The Holy Cow" en teistert inmiddels de hele buurt. Men heeft geprobeerd het neer te halen door de touwen door te snijden, men heeft brand gesticht én men heeft geprotesteerd, zowel met spandoeken als via sociale media. Het leek wel een soort light-versie van de beeldenstorm, anno 2017. Mijnheer Herck voelt zich wellicht een soort Banksy, trots dat hij de rotte Jonagold appelen in de maatschappij openbaart en verrast door de woedende reacties van een handvol fundamentalistische pro-life aanhangers, onder leiding van ene mijnheer Goethals. Die mijnheer Goethals is ook actief bij "Helpers of God’s Precious Infants" en de anti-cultuurmarxistische beweging ‘Pro Familia’. Het klinkt allemaal een beetje bijbelgordel-Amerikaans, maar het bijft Kuttekoven.

Wie is hier nu de debiel?

Misschien had mijnheer Herck moeten weten dat het kruisigen van een gipsen koe in een nog niet ontwijde kerk enkele gefronste wenkbrauwen zou opleveren. Misschien rekende de kunstenaar zelfs op deze protesten en op de daarbijhorende journalistieke interesse. Blasfemistische Bella zal hem ongetwijfeld enkele nieuwe artistieke opdrachten hebben opgeleverd, alsook een sappige passage in zijn toekomstige memoires. De foetusbrigade aan de andere kant had misschien beter ingezien dat mijnheer Herck dankzij hun protesten een beetje beroemder is geworden en dat Bella wellicht zeer binnenkort in een stad met een iets mider hilarische naam komt te hangen. Ik ben er nu al vrij zeker van dat er een t-shirt lijn komt met de foto van "The Holy Cow", althans, dat zou ik doen moest ik ofwel mijnheer Herck ofwel een opportunistische zakenman zijn. Mijnheer Herck, moest u pas na het lezen van deze passage op dat idee komen, voor mij een XL graag, zwart.

Ik vind het kunstwerk eigenlijk nog wel iets hebben. Voor één keer begrijp ik wat de kunstenaar wil zeggen met zijn werk. Het zou een perfecte platenhoes zijn voor een band als Amenra of Bohren Und Der Club Of Gore. Het is een sterk symbool en lekker controversieel. Geen wonder dat de kapstokhaters hier een hekel aan hebben. Anderzijds hebben die me dan wel weer aan het lachen gekregen. Het protest moest een soort "Greenpeace-actie" worden, gebaseerd op sereniteit en gebed. Moesten ze nu effectief met de Harald Of Free Enterprise de kerk aan diggelen hebben geramd, dan zou ondertekende onder de indruk zijn, maar neen, ze kwamen bidden. 

Jezus vernielde de kramen van handelaars aan de kerk omdat ze religie koppelden aan winstbejag. Het Katholieke forum gaat een beetje staan bidden omdat zij vinden dat Jezus beledigd is. Mag Jezus zelf beslissen of hij zich beledigd voelt of niet? En zoja, zou die jullie dan niet een stevige oorvijg geven omdat jullie zijn leer verkocht hebben aan een bende pedofiele randdebielen, en omdat er betere dingen te doen zijn op zondagmiddag? Ga eens een dagje voorlezen in een bejaardentehuis of een mandje broodjes brengen naar een groepje daklozen, om maar een voorbeeld te geven. Maar neen, jullie bidden liever voor eerherstel. Wel, bid dan maar eens voor eerherstel voor de homo sapiens want zo te zien gaat er niemand van ons naar de hemel.


Serge

Isn't that a nice picture? That is me, checking out the test copy of the book I wrote. Don't worry. This article is not going to be a self indulgent rant about what a brilliant literary genius I am. This is not even going to be another hidden promo for 'Cecilia's World', which you can now purchase by clicking here. That is not the kind of person I am.
Actually, in this article I would like to share my experiences as a debuting novelist. I'd like to share the euphoria and the hardships of writing. I want to offer some tips and tricks to help you if you decide to walk the same path. That, plus, I want to remind myself of how I can do better next time. After all, don't we all strive to improve ourselves?

A bunch of months ago, I decided that it was time to write that damn book I have been thinking about for forty years. So I started writing and for months I dwelled in an imaginary world, filled with music and humor. Then, one day, my wife said, "Serge, there is something wrong. In this chapter, the father is a benign man but a few chapters further, he's an absolute cunt of a man." Those are not her exact words by the way. But she was right, I had completely changed the man's character. Fuck, shit, ass. Luckily, the problem was solved quickly by using a simple literary trick: creativity.

It is a good thing to have someone to support you and to correct these errors. Being a writer, you will quickly get caught up in your own story. You want to work towards finishing the book, without having to read large parts again and again. But, tiny things can unexpectedly alter your story, like the music you're playing or a movie you watched between writing sessions. An immediate test reader can solve that problem before it becomes a big one. That person can also correct typos and other spelling errors. My wife often does that in real time when I'm engaged in a writing session. Allow at least one person to do that from time to time, even if it slows down the writing process. Not only will you feel better because most of the errors are gone, but it will also improve your writing skills. In time, you will make less mistakes and thus become a better writer.

Because, believe me, unless you're writing a haiku book for infants, typos and errors will occur. I mean, I just misspelled the word 'errors' while writing this paragraph. Google told me that it was wrong, which is a good thing. Yet, don't just trust on Google to fix all your errors. You need a human for this job and you need to be thankful for that. After all, that person dramatically improved your chances of delivering a best seller.

Interview yourself as if Conan O'Brien would interview you. Or imagine yourself at an autograph session at a massive book event. Or, if you want, imagine yourself in the gutter, homeless and undiscovered until the coroner finds a copy of your masterpiece in your pocket, reads it and publishes it, eventually providing your long lost family with plenty of royalties from the movies and merchandising. After all, many geniuses have been discovered after their death, no?

No, I'm not telling you to write a book and go lay in the gutter and wait for the sweet embrace of death. That would be silly. I'm just saying that you should dare to dream. At night, or whenever you have the time, do that little interview or read that imaginary book review. It will send some dopamine to your brains which makes you feel good. While writing 'Cecilia's World' I did that from time to time and it was fun. In one of those fantasising sessions I even got to meet Neil deGrasse Tyson. Even in my mind, he wouldn't shut up, but that's ok. He doesn't know.

Just like this murderous demon in squirrel uniform, tiny things will fuck you up. No, for real. After checking and approving the test version, we still found some typos and errors. If you're going into this business on your own, or even with the help of some test reading volunteers, these things will happen. Only if you work with a professional publishing company, you can expect perfection. That is why you'll get only 30% of the profit your book makes. Then again, 30% with a pro could become more than the 85% if you go independent. They simply have the better tools, the better contacts and the bigger events. 

About those tiny errors: it's a lot harder to discover them on screen than on paper. We'll get them out by the time we need to do a reprint, if we need to do a reprint. It was a bit disappointing but I guess that is the price you have to pay for independence. Besides, only errors give you the opportunity to learn. 

Here is a picture of a calm evening sky. It's here because you will want to watch it from time to time while reading the following text. What comes next can be utterly confusing and quite possibly it won't even help because it'll just lead you to reading even more confusing stuff. The technicality of publishing a book is brain mangling, to say the least. I'll try to sum up some pros and cons, a few things that I have learned while publishing 'Cecilia's World' but from there you're on your own. 

a. A book is not an ebook

When 'Cecilia's World' was finished, I thought I could now quickly transfer the whole thing into both a book and an ebook. I had decided beforehand that the physical copies would come in an A5 format so I had based all of my writing on that. For the printed version, that worked perfectly, although there are a few things. For starters, you'll probably have to deliver the whole thing to the printers as a PDF. They will not do anything, not check, not correct, nothing. They'll only print your book. Be sure to ask for a test print. In my case, I did get some advice on the cover but that's mostly because the rest was ok. Why? We followed a few guidelines which we found on the internet:

-Black is not always black. In computer code, there are different blacks with some of them being printed as dark grey. Be sure to have maximum saturation on your text. 
-Also be sure to make outlines. This way the result will be the same as on your computer screen. 
-Do not add the cover to the PDF. You'll have to make a separate PDF for the cover.
-If you want a white sheet in between chapters, you'll have to add a blank page. As I mentioned before, the printers will not do that automatically.
-The cover has to be in a high resolution, otherwise it will come out blurry. 
-Watch out for automatic page numbers. In 'Cecilia's World' the foreword is on page 2 and the first chapter on page 3. We did not find this tip on the internet.
-Do NOT use enters for page breaks. That is a hefty no-no. Your software has a function for that.

In all, it's best to practice a bit with your text editing software. I have used Openoffice and a trial version of Adobe Illustrator. Others will use Word or even others. You'll need to become familiar with the program you use. Smashwords, the platform where the digital version 'Cecilia's World' is published on, has an excellent Style Guide that has helped me a lot (click here).

Ebooks work very differently than books. In a paper version, you could actually work with enters instead of page breaks but if you do that with an ebook, the whole thing will look weird. Furthermore, ereader users can change the font and the text height, so they won't always look the same. Therefore, page breaks, remember those words. 

Perhaps this should have been the very first tip on this whole article, but start with a completely blank page. Do not add any formatting before the actual text is written. It will only complicate things. Oh, and no double spaces behind dots at the end of a sentence. Apparently that's a no-no. 

b. It's not a cover until the fat lady sings.

So you've written and formatted your book, now it's time to work on the cover. Hell is about to break loose. You will have to deliver a PDF and again, that differs from book to ebook. 

Ebook: JPG of front and back in decent resolution is ok. You can upload those separately. 


Book: Yeah, but there is that little thing called 'spine', that thing on the side with your name and the title of the book. That is going to be nasty, because it raises a lot of questions.

1. How wide does it have to be?
You'll have to ask the printers because that depends on the number of pages and thickness of the paper. For a 355 pages book like mine, the spine had to be 1.90cm wide.

2. How do I press that between the front and page pages?
You'll need a decent photo editing software. Photoshop did the trick for me, along of course with a very good friend who's good at this kind of stuff. He only had to start over twice.

3. Will it make me insane?
Yeah, and there will be more.

Like, make sure that there are a few centimeters of blank space around the artwork, plus a few millimeters of outlines. No text or important parts of the photograph near the edges. They might become folded over or cut away, depending on the format of the whole thing. That is why you should always ask for a test print. 

Right, that should cover that. Or maybe not. I can only give advice for books with text only. If you want to publish a photo book or one with drawings you might want to carefully read the Smashwords Style Guide (here), and/or find more help. I checked into that, it's confusing as hell. 

So you did everything I told you to do, including searching for other advice, and you are ready to sell your writings to the masses.

How to do that? 

For my ebook, I worked with Smashwords and I'm quite pleased with them. You can upload your text as a .txt file, plus the covers and they'll do the rest. You can also do an interview, which is fun, and add the necessary links in your author profile. Then they will publish the thing and you'll see it appear on a multitude of ebook distributors. They also have a Premium Status for books which will get your book to most major platforms. To receive that status, your book has to apply to the guidelines which should be rather easy if you follow the aforementioned tips and tricks.


There are other providers too. BookBaby is probably the most popular and they can help you with printed versions too. You can also go directly to Kindle or Kobo. That is up to you. Be sure to check the internet for alternatives that might suit you better. Smashwords did the trick for me personally, but I can imagine not everyone being happy with their service. They are quite strict in their guidelines, but I guess that only helps improve the overall quality. 

Then there are the physical copies. I can only tell you what I did do sell them. I promoted them here on Merchants Of Air. I used social media and my network of artists, agencies and friends. I'll have a book launch with Urall, Stratosphere & Thisquietarmy (check) coming up and I'm looking into some other possibilities. Just use your resources, that's all I can say about that.

Right, that's enough. Now go write your bestseller.


Serge

From the very beginning our goal was to be as open minded as possible. From classical music over jazz to post rock and black metal, but also ambient, psychedelic electronics and techno, we dig into everything. Of course, that first article about Incubate already contained heaps of different styles since that festival was one of the broadest we have ever encountered. Since then, we have been on an amazing journey through the vast world of music exploration. We have been doing this for three years and the will to carry on is very strong.

But everything goes with ups and downs and perhaps our third year was a decent example of that. Our growth has not been as exponential as our second year in business, although we more than doubled our visitor count since the first year. I can only imagine one reason for that: lesser articles. I think we wrote less reviews than in 2016. Other projects and personal issues have been keeping all of us occupied more than Merchants Of Air has. Some of our writers needed a long break and at the same time very few new aspirant writers contacted us.

We had a few. Two women ask for guest writer spots but they wanted to add links to certain shopping websites. I told them that we are a music webzine and that they will have to prove themselves with reviews first, just like I did, just like Wagner did. I never heard from them again. In fact, only one serious applicant contacted us. I hope his first reviews will enter my inbox soon. Until then, I'll keep his identity a secret.

Yet, even through a decline in number, our articles seem to attract more people to the website. The series about Belgium has been quite successful. With these columns I digged into the musical history of our own little country, much to the delight of thousands of readers. It will undoubtedly be continued soon, and so will the new series about the correlation between music and science. It has been fun to write these and I've come to the realization that writing stuff like this is what I like doing the most. 

The past few years, each time on 25 September, we released a compilation album. This year, for reasons stated above, our annual compilation will be postponed to December. With that, it will also correlate with our end-year overviews, best-of lists and columns about the musical highlights of 2017.

So yes, there are still plenty of spots open. Bands and projects who want to join our compilation can still contact us. We're also planning another project to be finalized by then. So December might be a huge month for Merchants Of Air. 

This past year has been fun, that's for sure. Once again I have encountered hundreds of amazing albums, seen plenty of awesome gigs and shook hands with artists from allover the world. The rest of the world is letting me down, letting pretty much all of us down. Terrorism, world leaders with the IQ of a cracked brick, the ever growing hatred towards everything that deviates from an unrealistic norm, natural disasters... Yep, the world is in a bad state but here we are, doing our thing, keeping the brotherhood of underground music alive.

I know, that world would have been very much alive without Merchants Of Air too but I'm quite proud of what we have accomplished over the past three years. I have said it before and I will say it again, I have never felt so appreciated and respected while doing some kind of work for somebody. Not one of my previous employers has sent me so much "thank you" and "great work" compliments than all of you have been doing. To be brutally honest, this level of appreciation is one of the few things that keep me going.

Perhaps over these past three years, Merchants Of Air has finally grown up. Our website witnessed only slight changes in lay-out. Our promo pictures for the t-shirts we design have been left behind and currently we're only promoting 'Cecilia's World'. With that, I clearly noticed a decline in income too, to the point where year four will once again be paid out of my own pocket. It's too bad, but I'm not going to change things now. I hate begging for money but if you want to support us, we will appreciate it.

How to support Merchants Of Air? There are plenty of possibilities. There is our shop with awesome shirts, metal decks, stickers and so on. There are the occasional Amazon links on our reviews which provide us with a little percentage, even if you buy something completely different. We have a few free/pay-what-you-want compilations and of course, there is my book. I think out of all these possibilities, purchasing 'Cecilia's World' will be the most appreciated by me. Like I said, I'm a writer...

We will see what the future has in store for us. Today, I'm going out for diner and I'll be celebrating this little birthday with a glass of champagne. Why? Well, when I moved into this apartment and this neighbourhood, I told my wife that I was going to tell people that I am a writer, rather than a helpdesk employee. In these past three years, I became exactly that. Just look at the content on this website. Just read my book. Just wait for the dark follow-up to 'Cecilia's World' which carries the working title 'Misanthrope'. 

Whatever the future holds, I have reached my goal. In a few days, I'll be at the printers and shortly after that, copies of this book will be shipped to Australia, Germany, India, Belgium, USA and many more. But before that happens, I will probably have published another heap of reviews, brieviews and columns. This is what I love doing, and I want to thank all of you for making it possible and for appreciating the words/worlds pouring out of my brain.

​Thank you for three years of Merchants Of Air.



Serge

As I said before, I love making lists and apparently my brain  is keen on combining songs in one way or another. Just now, I heard a rock song that can easily stand it's ground on a dancefloor and my internal jukebox started throwing more and more of these songs into my consciousness. So I made a lists of beats driven rock songs or the other way around. After all, it's Saturday and some people out there want to dance.
Now, you may ask why there's a picture of a squirrel accompanying this article. Well, mostly because it's cute but also mostly because I was too lazy to photoshop something. I wanted to compile this list.

If anything, this song by American shoegazers Crash City Saints is the culprit for this list. Just listen to it, it will drag you to the dancefloor immediately and keep you occupied there for the whole seven minutes. I can recommend the entire album by the way. Read my review here.

Then this classic came up and the idea for a new fifteen songs list was born. Millions of people have been shaking their asses off to Pulp's 'Disco 2000' and with a good reason too.

Undoubtedly, this one needs to be in here, even though Bloodhound Gang have way better songs than 'Bad Touch'. Still, boom boom boom boom and lyrics about copulation, who doesn't love that. 

Dutch progressive instrumentalists Kong have been exploring the combination of electronics and rock music for years, quite often coming up with awesome and unique tunes like this one. No wonder this is my all time favorite band.

One of the most hated albums in the metal scene, Morbid Angel's 'Illud Divinum Insanus' (2011) has been destroyed in reviews far and wide. The fans couldn't stand the electronic beats but to be quite honest, this tune is an industrial stomper.

And thus we hop into the world of industrial rock where we find this legendary creep. Rob Zombie has never been weary of electronic and once in a while that turns into something awesome.

German industrialists KMFDM have been throwing guitars into the stomping EMB sound for years. This single was released back in May and you can still bang your head and dance at the same time. 

Ok, let's go away from the heavy industrial beats for a while and concentrate back on disco. In that aspect, this cheesy tunes by legendary rockers Kiss definitely earns a place on this list. 

Speaking about disco beats, let's throw in another absolute classic. 'Another One Bites the Dust' still fills dancefloors at wedding receptions to this day. Apparently, it was Michael Jackson who convinced Queen to release this song as a single.

Finnish band Waltari frequently combines alternative metal, progressive metal, death metal, hard rock, heavy metal, hip hop, industrial, pop, punk, symphonic metal, techno and thrash metal. Just to give you an idea...

Darkwave duo The KVB definitely needs to be on this list. This might be the slowest of all songs mentioned here but it drives on an immersive eighties beat and features delightful shoegaze guitars.

Ok, this might be cheating a bit but to be fairly honest, 've seen Praga Khan and Lords Of Acid live and both of Maurice Engelen's project rock harder than many rock bands out there. 

This Rod Stewart cover by legendary weirdos Revolting Cocks is a strange, creepy little tune but then again, we're all dark and creepy...

From the same era and equally legendary as the one above,The Residents' smash hit Kaw-Liga still fills the dark dancefloors. ​The group is noted for surrealistic lyrics and sound, disregard for conventional music composition, and the over-the-top theatrical spectacle of their live performances.

And we end with another brutal industrial stomper, courtesy of Atari Teenage Riot. They too have been combining guitars and electronic for years and they too can still easily slash the competition.

I think it started at that disastrous edition of Pukkelpop where an intense storm destroyed a part of the festival terrain and killed five people. I was there and I saw the damage. I knew immediately that that year's edition was over and perhaps I also knew that this would mark the end of big festivals for me. I remember walking towards the city centre, occasionally trying to reach my parents to notify them that we were ok. It was hard to reach people by phone, mainly because of limitations set by phone companies. 

But then the complaints started to pour in, along with some questionable decisions by festival organisers. Festivals had to become safer, especially in recent years where terrorism had become an issue. Organisers were forced to hire security teams and suddenly everyone entering a festival area was a possible terrorist. Not only that, festivals also had to become eco-friendly too, resulting in some more questionable decisions.

Not only that. Nowadays people start petitions to ban this or than band from the stages, just because of their views on certain issues. They even threaten festivals, violently. You'd think it cannot get worse? Well, ask the women who were sexually assaulted on that Swedish festival. They bought a ticket, walked through security, got searched like everyone else and still were not safe there. 

When I was twenty-two or so, I was at a big festival in Belgium. I was there with my then-girlfriend and some regular festival buddies. We were sitting on the ground, enjoying a beer and each other's company when we suddenly heard a girl scream. She yelled "leave me alone, freak". Some drunken asshole had touched her in inappropriate ways. Before any of us could react, a bloke from the audience punched the asshole in the face, right on the nose. Two minutes later, security was there. Everyone involved explained the situation and the asshole's festival bracelet was cut. At the entrance, two policemen were waiting for him.

That was a part of the festi-feel. Hanging out with like minded people, or at least with people who came here for the music and nothing else. Ok, maybe festival-sex but only if agreed on by both parties, something we boys worked very hard for back in the days. Annoying, obtrusive and obnoxious people were simply being punched in the face and escorted to the exit, mostly by other festival goers, rarely by security. We didn't care about politics. We didn't mind differently colored people, we had no issues with gays. We came to dance...

Here is a list of strange things I've encountered on and around festivals recently.

1. Glass? Plastic? 

Glass has been banned from festival areas for ages. Every beverage goes into a plastic cup and pretty much every festival goer is used to that by now. Nobody cares anymore, even though beer tastes way better in glasses than in cups. It's just safer to throw cups instead of glasses. We understand. But not Gent Jazz. No, Gent Jazz pours your beer into a glass. "Hurray", you might say, but wait until you want to see a band. Inside the tent, glass is still banned. Once you go inside, a volunteer is waiting for you. He or she makes you pour your tasty beverage into a plastic cup. Weird, right? But there's more. While you were pouring over your beer, seven other people walked by with glasses in their hands. The volunteer never noticed them. 

2. What is it with the food on festivals?

Once upon a time, you had three choices. Fries, hamburgers or hunger. I was happy to see that list expand and I was thrilled to finally eat pizza and pasta on festivals, especially the three-day ones. Yesterday, my wife ate fries with chervis and a mild salty vinaigrette with mustard seeds. I ate a six euros hotdog, in a sandwich with sauerkraut and mustard. I mean, for that price I would have expected mustard seeds and shrimp but it was a good hotdog nonetheless. Thank God for food trucks.

3. Money

Those fries were 1.75 food coins. One food coin was three euros. You do the math. Besides, there weren't any food coins to begin with. You received a plastic card which you could load at a "non-cash" point (where you could actually pay in cash). Somehow it reminds me of another monetary system that makes no sense, the one the bankers invented, the one that is way too complicated for average Joe. I currently have 0.25 coins on that card and I'm not planning to go to that festival next year (unless the line-up is good). But it has a nice picture of Einsturzende Neubauten, so I guess it's a souvenir now.

I can add a few paragraphs about exuberant prices at festivals but I don't want to. If you want to pay three euros for a plastic cup filled with water, that's fine by me. In a way, I understand why, especially at a big festival. Just look at all the people who want to profit from a festival and you'll understand why they are so incredibly expensive. Here's a short list: the organiser, the bands, the caterers, the security teams, the brewer, the band managers, the city, the government, the copyrights organisation, the sport & youth clubs who volunteer, the company that rents tents, the company that rents the fences, the company that rents the stages, the sound and light companies, their employees, the owner of the festival area, the company that delivers the plastic cups, the people who work in the sponsor's stands, the police, public transport companies, the insurance company... and there are probably some more. So no, I'm not going to whine about prices.

4. NMBS. 

This might be a Belgian thing, but if you use public transport, I really hope you enjoy the first ten minutes of the headliner. Those will be all you see because our public transport company wants you in bed by midnight. Then again, if you form a group of four to six people, you can just crawl into a taxi anytime AND save money.

5. Festivals have become selfie-spots

"Heyyyy everybody on facebook, look where I am??? xxXXXxxXXXxoooXxx"
"Cool, what bands have you seen?"
"Haha, you silly, I am too busy making selfies. In fact, I wish those bands would be quiet so I can talk to my homies."

6. "Fucking kids."

I actually heard someone say that yesterday. It was a man who almost tumbled over a toddler. The kid was just running around like kids do and the man was talking to his mate like men do. Apparently, on a festival that is not a very good combination. I can understand and I also wonder why parents drag their toddlers along on festivals. Isn't it a nuisance for both you and your kid, something you can easily avoid? I don't know. Perhaps those parents say "get them into music when they're young" but I'm more like "get them into music when they want to".

Because of that list of people who want to profit from festivals, most festivals pack their area to capacity. There are lots and lots of people on festivals, half of them drunk. It's just not a safe place for children. Me and my friends are not going to start a moshpit on a playground, so why bring a playground to the moshpit? Not that there is many moshing going on anyway. On most festivals those fun things are forbidden because otherwise the hospitals too profit from festivals.

7. Garbage

Have you seen the photos of the piles of garbage on festivals? "Eco-friendly", lol. People are even leaving their tents and everything behind. Luckily, some organisers allow people to pick up those tents and donate them to refugees. Whose fault is that? I don't know. All I know is that a reusable cup is not reusable when you throw it in the woods. At that moment, it becomes litter. How to solve the garbage problem? I don't know either. There have been plenty of ideas, including edible trays, personalised drinking cups and wallets made out of old vinyl promo banners but in the end, it all ends up in a whale's stomach.

8. Screening people

Tomorrowland has been digitally screening each and every audience member, weeks before the festival. Several of them received a message that they were not welcome and that their tickets would be refunded. Is Donald Trump running Tomorrowland?

I know, dear reader, you have been struggling through all that negativeness and by now you might think that it's just not worth the effort of going to a music festival. Well, let me ease your mind. It is still worth it, even with all those issues, there is nothing like a good festival. There is no better feeling in the world than seeing your favorites bands give the best of themselves. I'm sure that Tomorrowland and Pukkelpop will still be a lot of fun for people who are allowed in. 

Besides, these days we are spoiled. There is no festival-free weekend anymore. New events appear every year, some fade, some remain, some become household names for music lovers. Dunk! festival and RodeoFest, just to name a few, can easily instigate that festi-feel in exactly the way that the big ones can. There is something for everyone, you can pick out whatever fits you best. I just think festivals can be even more fun when everyone involved would decide not to be an asshole for a few days. Leave your egos and hormones at the entrance, that's all it takes.

I have no idea where I'm going with this article. I'm just a writer, an observer and a festival addict, the latter in increasingly smaller doses. I've seen things change over the years, sometimes for the better, sometimes not. Today, I prefer small over big, quality over quantity. But one thing has not changed and that is the festival spirit. I still see it in the hard core of the festival goers. They don't care about terrorists. They are perfectly fine with drinking out of plastic cups and they can still break your nose if you decide to be a cunt. So no, the festi-feel is not dying. It still rages on in many of us and if anyone fucks with us to the point where we can no longer take it, we just start allover again somewhere else. 


​Serge

I know, Trekkies and Star Wars Fans haven't always been seeing eye to eye but you can't not love this golden oldie by The Firm and its amazing clay animation video.

It's David Bowie, it's a classic, it certainly deserves a spot on this list, don't you think?

Of course, the dance industry have also thrown their fair share of space influenced tunes into the world, like this massive hit by The Prodigy.

This anthem by progressive master minds Rush will takes you on a journey towards a black hole. You have been warned...

Another delightfully trippy space rock tune by psychedelic geniuses Ozric Tentacles. 

Well, that's true, there's no denying that. Enjoy this groovy and immersive anthem by the original masters of space rock.

This space ambient project by founding member of Red Sparowes and Battle of Mice, Josh Graham is an absolute must for everyone who love to dwell in the darkest regions of outer space.

This beauty by krautrock legends Ashra will gladly guide you along the planets and stars, just close your eyes and imagine your beautiful trip.

On the somewhat more electronic side of the musical universe we find this massive hit by Germany's electro pioneers Kraftwerk.

Right, back to guitars and now we're dealing with something spacey, fuzzy and naughty, courtesy of stoner rockers Space Fisters. 

The world of black metal also knows a thing or two about the cosmic infinity that surrounds us, just ask epic industrial black metal act The Kovenant. 

Some more fuzzed out goodness, this time for the amazing Farflung. Space rock at its finest, and perfectly capable of getting you out there.

Of course, Black Sabbath's supernaut has to be on this list. Without them, some of the other bands might never have existed...

Here you go, some hip hop fun with undoubtedly one of the best acts that this scene has even seen. 

Hey, look, a whole list of space songs without mentioning 'The Final Countdown' or 'Spaceman', isn't that nice. Let's end with this piece of educational genius by comedy masterminds Monty Python.

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