You don't really want this on a concert, right?
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Music is a universal language, but like every language some people don't really understand it. The musical universe we at Merchants Of Air live in, is very complex and immensely variated. One moment we're blasted away by furious drums, the next moment we dwell in a beautiful ambient landscape, created by a highly talented artist. This continuously alternating world is definitely not suited for everyone. Some people just can't handle the pressure of having to listen to tempo shifts, instrumental music or death growls. People who can handle those, should really be glad that the music industry also creates unimaginative line work and have it sung by Justin Bieber, One Direction or Stromae.
I'm not saying we should like these 'artists', after all, I don't 'like' my baker for making the exact same types of bread as any other baker does. What I am saying is that we should be thankful for these miscreations. Why? Well, they keep the lackbrains away from the shows we want to go to. Most of their fans are teenage girls or boys with cellphones, selfie-sticks and little hearts painted on their cheeks. These fans, who are still too young to have a voice worth listening to, screech and cry during the entire concert. Some of them faint, are being carried to the first-aid tent and start to whine when they wake up because they missed a part of the gig.
If a metalhead faints, it's because he got either to drunk or recevied a firm boot in the face in the moshpit. Do we really want to cast out the stale pop-artists and have their fans infiltrate our world? I don't think so. Drop some of them in the front at a Conan show and they will immediately irritate the shit out of the entire audience. That is, if they survive. I really don't think a 13 year old girl could survive the brutality at a metal festival. She will implode, melt or suffer a heart attack.
I'm not saying we should like these 'artists', after all, I don't 'like' my baker for making the exact same types of bread as any other baker does. What I am saying is that we should be thankful for these miscreations. Why? Well, they keep the lackbrains away from the shows we want to go to. Most of their fans are teenage girls or boys with cellphones, selfie-sticks and little hearts painted on their cheeks. These fans, who are still too young to have a voice worth listening to, screech and cry during the entire concert. Some of them faint, are being carried to the first-aid tent and start to whine when they wake up because they missed a part of the gig.
If a metalhead faints, it's because he got either to drunk or recevied a firm boot in the face in the moshpit. Do we really want to cast out the stale pop-artists and have their fans infiltrate our world? I don't think so. Drop some of them in the front at a Conan show and they will immediately irritate the shit out of the entire audience. That is, if they survive. I really don't think a 13 year old girl could survive the brutality at a metal festival. She will implode, melt or suffer a heart attack.
Let's put that selfie-stick where the sun doesn't shine
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Years ago, I went to a Backstreet Boys concert, not because I like them (God, no) but a friend of mine wanted to go and her mom didn't want her to go alone. So I went along with her. Don't judge me, there was a slight chance the evening could end in sex. She was 19 at the moment so nothing illegal. The concert actually was pretty good (for a theatre show). Sound and light were perfect and there were a lot of women that could give this night a happy end for me (most of them were jailbait, I know). After the show I had a horrible headache, caused by these high pitched teenage shrieks and I vomited a bit in my mind when I saw the Backstreet Moms. My god, what a bunch of get-me-out-of-here.
Selfie-sticks are already one of the world's most idiotic inventions and taking them to a concert really proves the owner is an absolute selfish cunt. The only suited place for a selfie stick is right in the anus of the owner, preferably with the biggest part first. Furthermore, I think people should have a volume meter and when it's too loud or too high pitched, they should insert a sock in their mouth and put some duct-tape over it.
By they way, these fans aren't just irritating us. They irritate the organisers as well. They don't drink, they don't eat, they don't spend any extra money because all of it goes to agenda's, bags, drinking cups, placemats, stressballs and other useless crap which will end up at a flea market the next summer. They don't even buy CD's. They 'Spotify' their favourite artists. No wonder those concerts are incredibly expensive but hey, mom and dad will pay.
So leave them there, at those huge events. Some of them will come crawling back to real music when puberty is over and finally discover the immense variety of music made with blood, sweat, tears, heart and soul. Then, and only then, will they be welcomed into our elitist little club because let's face it, 'true' music fans are elitist sons of bitches, right? However, we don't seem to grow up to become dull adults with nothing else to do but to complain about they youth of today...
...well, maybe sometimes
Serge
Selfie-sticks are already one of the world's most idiotic inventions and taking them to a concert really proves the owner is an absolute selfish cunt. The only suited place for a selfie stick is right in the anus of the owner, preferably with the biggest part first. Furthermore, I think people should have a volume meter and when it's too loud or too high pitched, they should insert a sock in their mouth and put some duct-tape over it.
By they way, these fans aren't just irritating us. They irritate the organisers as well. They don't drink, they don't eat, they don't spend any extra money because all of it goes to agenda's, bags, drinking cups, placemats, stressballs and other useless crap which will end up at a flea market the next summer. They don't even buy CD's. They 'Spotify' their favourite artists. No wonder those concerts are incredibly expensive but hey, mom and dad will pay.
So leave them there, at those huge events. Some of them will come crawling back to real music when puberty is over and finally discover the immense variety of music made with blood, sweat, tears, heart and soul. Then, and only then, will they be welcomed into our elitist little club because let's face it, 'true' music fans are elitist sons of bitches, right? However, we don't seem to grow up to become dull adults with nothing else to do but to complain about they youth of today...
...well, maybe sometimes
Serge
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