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In less than a week, most people on earth will get way too drunk, eat way too much, give each other some stuff to sell on next summer's flea markets and listen to the angelic torture of Wiener Sängerknaben or André Rieu. In Flanders, people will stare at the non-comical act of Geert Hoste. In Austria people will gather in tents to stare at boobs, drink beer and sing along with horrifying shlagers. In the US, the lit houses will be visible from space, once again chasing the aliens away. In other regions, people go to church by night to witness the miracles of Christmas and in other regions, people once again complain because they got a white 8GB iPhone instead of a 16GB black one. Aah, the time for peace and joy is near. Anyway, here are fifteen songs to completely ruin your Christmas, or make it better. That's up to you...
The Ramones - Merry Christmas (I Don't Want To Fight Tonight)
Let's start with some good advice from The Ramones and their 'Merry Christmas (I Don't Wanna Fight Tonight)' song. The song comes off their 1989 'Braindrain' album and is pretty much a Ramones classic. One Two Three Four, we're kicking off this list in style...
Lemmy Kilmister, Dave Grohl & Billy F. Gibbons - Run Run Rudolph
Sadly passed away at the end of 2015, but in no way forgotten and always welcome on these lists of ours, Lemmy recorded this heavy rocking version of Chuck Berry's 1958 Classic 'Run Rudolph Run' along with Dave Grohl and Billy F. Gibbons (ZZ Top). The entire 'Metal Xmas' album is loaded with stars from the metal scene but I think we picked the best...
AC/DC - Mistress for Christmas
Well, since we're throwing legends around, here is a Christmas-present suggestion from the nice Australians ofAC/DC. All they want for Christmas is a mistress, nothing wrong with that I guess, especially in their trade of choice.
Korn - Kidnap the Sandy Claws
I secretly wanted to throw the original in this list, until I found this awesome Korn cover. It comes from the 'Nightmare Revisited' compilation, a cover album of songs and score from the 1993 Disney animated film The Nightmare Before Christmas. It was released on September 30, 2008
U-Recken - Carol Of The Bells (Talamasca Remix)
If you really want to dance at Christmas, but realize most dance-Christmas songs are complete garbage, try out this one by psytrance act U-Recken, remixed by other psytrance legend Talamasca. Yes, you know we like psytrance at Merchants Of Air...
Leæther Strip - It Happened On Christmas Day
Danish EBM & industrial legend Leæther Strip came up with this folky electronic tune. I admit, the lyrics might not completely correlate with the Christmas spirit, but hey, that wasn't the intention for this article anyway, and it's always nice to throw in some EBM, especially with a legend like Claus Larsen.
Blueneck - Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
In the post rock scene, English band Blueneck sort of serves as the masters of ceremony around this time of year. You can download their 'Christmas' ep for free, and quite frankly, you should. It's a nice addition to your collection and a welcome variation on the well known carols.
Jesu - Christmas
According to Justin Broadrick, Jesu's 'Christmas' EP was inspired by "the onset of the Christmas period and the onset of emotions and feelings of nostalgia, joy and sadness that the period often evokes". All those emotion are beautifully represented in this drone metal masterpiece.
Lovesliescrushing - Jingle Bells
Released in 1995, this anthem by shoegazers Loveliescrushing is probably one of the creepiest Christmas songs you can listen to. With little to no melody or percussion and with distant voices, this duo goes for a completely different atmosphere, but one we definitely like...
Reel Big Fish - Grandma got Run Over by a Reindeer
From the depressive sounds of shoegaze to the joyful ska and punk ofReel Big Fish, that's only possible on Merchants Of Air, no? Anyway, enjoy this and the other cheerful holiday songs on their 'Happy Skalidays EP", highly recommended by Wouter.
Woods of Trees - All I Want for Kriegmas Is You
Right, off to Satan's Christmas party and what better way to do that than with the devil's favorite cover band Woods Of Trees. For this song, they sodomized and sacrificed a song by Mariah Carey, plus, they made a joyful video to go with it.
Katastroof - Karsmis van m'n kloten
If you don't understand Aantwaarps (a weird variation on Dutch), this song might be completely new to you. In Belgium, Katastroof are known for their funny folk songs full of booze, boobs and more booze, but in intimate and emotional songs like this one, this trio perfectly manages to describe loneliness and depression. A lot of people are lonely around this time of year, maybe you can invite one...
Killwhitneydead - Merry Axemas
In 2008, a band named Killwhitneydead released a Christmas themed ep which turned out to be an outrageous blend of death metal and gory comedy. Well, I guess that's good enough for the deranged individuals we are. Slash that tree and pierce its balls!!!
Throwing Muses - Santa Claus
Alternative rock band Throwing Muses released this weird little song on their 'Hunkpapa' album in 1988. The band toured and recorded extensively until 1997, when its members began concentrating more on other projects, most notable of course Kristin Hersh who is still going strong today. I wonder if she'll ever play this tune again.
Wesley Willis - Merry Christmas
And finally, suggested by Björn, we present you Wesley Willis, an American singer-songwriter and visual artist from Chicago. Diagnosed with schizophrenia in 1989, Willis began a career as an underground singer-songwriter in the outsider music tradition, with songs featuring his bizarre, humorous and often obscene lyrics sung over the auto accompaniment feature on his Technics KN keyboard
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